I love my work, and I feel great about making a difference. And then… there came a time when I was more tired than usual. I kept catching colds and started to worry that something was wrong with my immune system. So—I gave myself permission to eat the ice cream and cupcakes after work, and to grab the donuts in the break room. The politics and gossip at work bothered me more than usual. I began to feel resentful. I was glued to my phone at all hours. The constant newsfeeds were overwhelming and depressing. I just need a vacation, I thought.
But two days after a trip to the beach, I was just as tired as before. One of the clients I’d been working intensely with disappeared. Is she okay? Is it my fault? Maybe I’m not really making a difference… Those were my thoughts. Still, I kept going—pushing, smiling on the outside while inside I felt sad and almost numb. I felt alone.
My therapist diagnosed me with “chronic over-functioning” and warned that I was veering dangerously close to burnout. My attempts at self-care—sweets and vacations—weren’t working.
Does this sound like you? Then keep reading—you are not alone. Self-care is more than just a cupcake after work.
Self-care is an intentional way of living that honors your feelings and manages stress before it piles up. It means sleeping through the night without checking your phone. It’s daily movement and time for self-reflection. Self-care is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It’s noticing when something feels out of balance—and doing something about it.
Self-care is also saying no. Setting limits. Walking away, even when the work isn’t done. It’s having the courage to let go—of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the need to be the hero. It’s prayer, grounding, connecting with yourself. And it’s recognizing what is and isn’t in your control.
I wish it were as simple as a cupcake or a getaway. But real self-care means reaching out, building support, finding meaning outside of work, and prioritizing your well-being. That can be hard—especially for caregivers. But according to NASW, self-care is an ethical issue: it directly impacts our well-being and our ability to serve others.
I’m now in recovery from my over-functioning and that overdeveloped sense of responsibility. It’s not easy, and I still relapse—taking on more than is good for me. But change is hard. And self-care is a change worth making—for ourselves and for everyone around us.
You are just as valuable and worthy of care as your clients are.
Look for the 3 hour ‘Compassion Satisfaction: Preventing Burn-out’ training offered regularly at The Forum. You will be glad you did!
I hope to see you there.
Wishing you self-compassion and joy,
Barbara